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The Twelve-Step Program: Step Eight

Posted on April 19, 2022 by cmarnew

STEP EIGHT

“Make a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.”

Have you ever seen the television sitcom My Name is Earl? In this show, the main character, Earl, decides that he is going to turn his life around. After years of bad behavior, selfishness, and greed, he decides that he is going to be a better person and start putting some good into the world instead. He creates a long list of people that he believes he has harmed over the years with his poor behavior, writes down a corresponding description of how he wronged each person on the list, and seeks each one out to try and make things right with them. Although Earl is not formally working a twelve-step program, the premise of the show does a nice job of capturing the principles of steps eight and nine.

Step nine, perhaps the most well-known step, has to do with the act of making amends. This is the step that much of My Name is Earl depicts on screen. Step eight, however, is essential in setting us up for step nine. If we rush into step nine before thoroughly completing step eight, we put the cart in front of the horse. To complete step eight, we must engage in thoughtful and intentional self-reflection, writing down how our behaviors have harmed others. Without step eight, there is no step nine. Without Earl’s list, there is no show. We must make the list.

People in twelve-step programs often find that step eight can be one of the most challenging steps of the program. In steps one through seven, we are largely focused on ourselves. We reflected on how our lives are currently unmanageable, formed a personal definition of “higher power,” and took a personal moral inventory. We developed an understanding of how our addiction harmed ourselves. However, in step eight, we must begin to look at how our behavior with drugs and alcohol has harmed others.

In making this list, I’m sure there will be certain people that come to mind immediately. Perhaps you can remember exactly what you did and know that your actions hurt them. However, there will also be others where you are unsure of if you hurt them or not. Or, perhaps your actions unintentionally harmed them. For step eight, that does not matter. For anyone that you suspect you may have harmed, intentionally or not, include them on your list. People commonly included on these lists are husbands, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, exes, parents, children, friends, and colleagues, among others.

A crucial part of step eight also has to do with resentments. There will be people on your list that you have harmed, but that you feel have also harmed you. You may not want to make amends or feel they don’t deserve amends. However, holding this resentment is like drinking poison hoping the other person will suffer. Work with a therapist, sponsor, or trusted individual to better understand these resentments and realize what amends must be made. Making amends with those particular people may be one of the most important aspects of your recovery process.

By Jonathan Fricke, MA

The Twelve-Step Program: Step Seven

Posted on April 13, 2022 by cmarnew

STEP SEVEN

“Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.”

The last few steps of the twelve-step program have largely been focused on self-reflection. We took a personal moral inventory of who we truly are at our core. We then shared our truest selves with another human being. Then, we developed an acceptance and cultivated a willingness to let our character defects go. In step seven, we build upon these steps with a step that is more action oriented.

We take action in that we ask our higher power to remove our character defects that we had previously identified. To reiterate, higher power does not equate to any particular religious figure or notion. Instead, it has an individual, personalized meaning. While a higher power could mean God, it could also mean the natural world, science, or the twelve-step program itself, among others. Whatever the case, we rely on our chosen higher power to instill a sense of trust in life’s events. Life will do what life does. We reject the notion that we control what happens to us, and instead focus on what we can do for the world around us. In essence, we welcome in a sense of humility.

Let me ask you, what do you first think of when you hear the word ‘humility’?

For many people, humility immediately conjures associations to the word ‘humiliation,’ which is typically viewed in a negative lens since it is essentially defined as the degradation of oneself in either their own eyes or the eyes of someone else. It is a loss of pride. ‘Humility,’ on the other hand, is not about public or private ridicule. Instead, it is about freedom from pride and arrogance. It is a sense of humbleness; a modest view of one’s own importance. Humility is something that we must continually foster and nurture. It is essential to long-term sobriety. It is what allows us to live life on life’s terms. Many twelve-steppers refer to this notion as getting “right-sized.”

Well, what does “right-sized” mean anyways?

Have you ever heard the fairy tale “Goldilocks and the Three Bears?” In the story, Goldilocks goes through trials and tribulations with bowls of porridge that are too hot and too cold, chairs that are too big and too small, and beds that are too hard and too soft. With each of these items, she eventually finds one that is just right. A bowl of porridge that’s the right temperature, a chair that’s the right size, and a bed that’s the right firmness. In step seven, we do the same thing.

We rely on our higher power to remove the aspects of ourselves that are “too big,” like grandiosity and self-entitlement, as well as the parts of ourselves that are “too small,” such as shame, regret, and unworthiness. In doing this, we become “right-sized,” which allows us to move forward. It does not mean that we won’t experience negative emotions or events. Rather, it frees us up to better cope with negative experiences when they do arise.

By Jonathan Fricke, MA

Step 4 in the 12-Step Process

Posted on March 23, 2022 by cmarnew

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]“Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”

In the first three steps of the twelve-step program, we are asked to recognize that our lives have become unmanageable, to identify and believe in a Power greater than ourselves, and to decide to turn our will over to this higher Power. In step four, however, we begin to engage in deep, intentional self-reflection. In essence, we ask, ‘Who am I?’

At first glance, this question is seemingly simple. We might answer with such things as where we live, what our name is, how old we are, our ethnicity, heritage, race, religion, and hobbies, among others. While these pieces of our identity are an important part of us, it is not exactly what step four is asking of us. Step four focuses on taking a moral inventory.
In a moral inventory, we reflect on our lives, assessing for and recording our perceived character deficits, strengths, and weaknesses. Topics that typically arise in moral inventories include resentments, anger, fears, pride, self-will, self-pity, guilt, shame, relationships, and sex. The purpose of this exercise is to gain more clarity and awareness on who we are, such that we can develop an awareness of how our understanding of ourselves both contributes to our problematic substance use and may aid us in the recovery process.

In taking a moral inventory, we will surely encounter negative thought patterns, destructive self-talk, overwhelming emotions, and value incongruent behaviors that have fueled the continuance of our addictions. In so long as we keep our shame, regrets, anger, and resentments secret, our problematic substance use will persist in efforts to cope with these unpleasant feelings. As uncomfortable and painful as it may be to connect with these feelings, studies have shown, time and time again, that reflecting upon and sharing these feelings with a trusted individual (i.e. sponsor, therapist, partner, friend) can be incredibly healing. Positive effects on an individual’s mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health, are ultimately to be expected. The moral inventory is an essential component of recovery.

In step four, we gain a better understanding of who we are, how our affective experiences and behavioral patterns contribute to our addiction, and how our strengths may aid us in recovery.

We begin to take accountability for our problematic use as we redirect our blame for others towards curiosity about ourselves.

By Jonathan Fricke, MA[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Step 5 in the 12-Step Process

Posted on March 23, 2022 by cmarnew

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]“Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”

I want you to think of a time that you kept something secret. Maybe it was a bigger secret, such as an affair or a time that you hurt someone, or maybe it was a smaller secret, such as a time that you were embarrassed. Whatever the case is, I want you to remember that secret. I want you to think about what drove you to keep this thing under wraps. I want you to reflect on how doing so impacted you. Really, take a moment to reflect before reading on.

Often times, we keep secrets in efforts to protect our egos. We think that if others were to know what it is we have done, they would see us as the person that we so desperately fear becoming. For example, if a partner were to find out about an affair, we fear they will see us as untrustworthy. If a friend were to find out about how we spoke ill of them behind their back, we fear they will see us as a bad person. Or, if a parent were to find out about our struggles with substance use, we fear they will see us as flawed. Therefore, we may elect to keep actions, feelings, and thoughts to ourselves in hopes that others will not see us in the same negative light we fear seeing ourselves in.

Makes sense, right? I mean, if we can hold onto our secrets, thus preventing others from knowing us fully, what is the problem?

Well, unfortunately secrets come with a toll. A toll that tethers irritability, anxiety, remorse, and depression, among others, to our lives. When we hide our wrongdoings from the world, we decide that we will carry the burden alone. We keep others away and place ourselves on an island where no one can get to us; we isolate. When we isolate, we do not even give others the chance to respond to our secrets. We cut off any possibility for compassion or love before we even have the opportunity to receive it. We cement in ourselves the very wretched feelings that we had hoped to avoid. For the addict, the toll means continued substance use or relapse.

Fortunately, there is another path to take. This is the path of connection, admission, and confession to another. Instead of putting ourselves on the island of isolation, we draw upon our moral inventory to share our secrets and wrongdoings with a trusted individual, whether that be a sponsor, friend, or therapist. In doing so, we share ourselves. We allow ourselves to be seen and understood. We open up the doors for compassion and love to enter. Often, we then begin to experience ourselves differently. Not as flawed creatures, but as a human beings.

Although this path is not a cakewalk, it is essential. It is perhaps the most important part of recovery.

By Jonathan Fricke, MA[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Step 3 in the 12-Step Process

Posted on February 14, 2022 by cmarnew

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.”

In the first two steps of the twelve-step program, we are asked to reflect on our own lives. In step one, we are asked to reflect on our powerlessness and the unmanageability in our lives. In step two, we are asked to reflect on what our higher power looks like; what we believe in. In step three, however, we shift from a stance of reflection to a stance of action. Step three is all about pushing away from our self-will and welcoming in a sense of willingness.

So, what does self-will and willingness mean? Self-will is all about stubbornness. It is about doing what an individual wants without regard for the wishes of others. It is a belief that you are right and will argue with anyone who disagrees. It is about a desire for independence, control, and is typically rooted in egotism. On the other hand, willingness is all about readiness and flexibility. It is rooted in trust outside the self.

Before continuing, I feel it is important to address the religious influence in step three with the use of the word “God.” As I had previously mentioned in my discussion of step two, twelve-step programs are not inherently religious and there is no requirement that the individual practice religion or believe in God. Rather, the important piece of step three is the last part, “…as we understood Him.” This piece reminds us that it is not about God, but about whatever the individual has identified as their higher power. Perhaps that higher power resides in nature, science, or the twelve-step program itself. In this step, the individual is asked to loosen their grip on the desire to control their lives and instead places faith, trust, and hope in their higher power. It is about aligning the will of the individual with their higher power. In this step the individual begins to experience serenity.

Step three also introduces a component of the twelve-step program that countless individuals have found monumental to their recovery: the Serenity Prayer.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Thy will, not mine, be done.

The Serenity Prayer introduces a key concept that extends far beyond recovery and has useful applications across life. In it, we examine and recognize the limits of our control. The prayer highlights the notion that there are some things we can control and some things we cannot. For example, we cannot control the behaviors of others but do have control over how we react to any given situation. When we attempt to control something that is uncontrollable, we are often left feeling angry or dejected when things don’t go our way. The Serenity Prayer encourages us to ask ourselves, ‘Is this situation something worth getting upset over or is it out of my control?’

By Jonathan Fricke, MA[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Step 2 in the 12-Step Process

Posted on February 7, 2022 by cmarnew

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STEP TWO
“Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

In my experience, step two is often a sticking point for people. This step asks participants to acknowledge and accept a higher power and to recognize that only this higher power can and will remove the individual’s compulsions related to substance use or problem behaviors. The purpose of this step is to build upon step one in realizing the individual’s powerlessness while also generating a spiritual and hopeful mindset. In other words, accepting that the individual cannot overcome their addiction alone and, in doing so, developing trust, a sense of support, and hopefulness through this belief.

Now, why is it that I say step two often presents a sticking point for people? Much of that has to do with the term “higher power.” Many hear about the importance of a belief in a higher power and immediately assume that that means the individual must believe in God. Although many twelve-steppers do believe in God as their higher power, the assumption that a higher power and God are synonymous is inaccurate. In fact, there is no requirement that an individual must believe in God or subscribe to any specific religious beliefs to participate in twelve-step programming. Instead, the term higher power is intended to be rather broad such that the individual may connect with a higher power that they find to be personally meaningful.

Since an individual’s higher power must have personal significance, it may differ from others in the program. However, the important part is not so much what the higher power is, as it is the humility, belief, and openness that comes from the recognition of a higher power. If the individual does not come into the program with a well-defined personal higher power, then this step invites the individual to reflect on how they define their own higher power.

Below, you will find examples of several different types of higher powers that have been useful to various individuals in recovery:

God or other religious figure: If an individual enters the program with a preexisting belief in God or other religious figure, this belief can be a useful foundation in recovery.
Nature: The natural world around us can serve as a higher power. We can see, feel, smell, taste, and touch nature’s force. It is always available to us.
Science: Some may rely on the scientific and neurochemical underpinnings of addiction to make sense their personal journey of addiction and recovery.
Morality and Values: Consider what living a meaningful, fulfilling, and moral life means to you. It may mean providing for your family or service to the community, among others. Personal morals and values can be powerful guides in recovery.
Twelve-step programs: That’s right, a higher power can also be the twelve-step program itself. Hearing stories of recovery and surrounding yourself with people and programs that support your recovery can instill a sense of support and hopefulness.

While my hope is that the list above may be useful in helping you identify your own higher power, it is by no means exhaustive. I would encourage you to engage in self-reflection and discussions with others to better understand what higher power means to you.

By Jonathan Fricke, MA[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Step 1 in the 12-Step Process

Posted on February 7, 2022 by cmarnew

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STEP ONE
“We admitted we were powerless over our addiction – that our lives had become unmanageable.”

What does the word ‘powerless’ mean to you? What images or feelings does it conjure up? In my experience, it often brings about associations of weakness, inadequacy, and incapability. For those of us familiar with Greek mythology, perhaps you think of Sisyphus’ powerlessness in his eternal struggle of pushing the boulder up the hill, only for it to roll down every time that he approached the top of the hill. He was a prisoner to this task and, as such, the ensuing feelings of weakness, inadequacy, and incapability that came with it. That is exactly why Zeus punished Sisyphus with this hopeless task. Well, what if Sisyphus had realized and accepted his own powerlessness in this task? What if he accepted the hopelessness in getting the boulder to the top of the hill? How might that have changed things for him?

In step one of the twelve-step program, we are asked to admit a powerlessness over our substance or behavior, recognizing that our lives are currently ungovernable. Given the aforementioned associations to ‘powerlessness’, it is entirely understandable to respond to this step with resistance. Perhaps we think we can simply work harder to control our use. Or perhaps we deny the extent to which the substance or behavior influences our lives. (How many times have you said or heard the phrase: “I could stop my use if I really wanted to”?)

When we feel powerless, there is a natural and instinctual drive to tighten our grip, clamp down, and attempt to secure power and control. However, step one contends that, paradoxically, there is a certain power in admitting our powerlessness; that we are granted a hope in admitting our hopelessness. In recognizing our inability to control our use, we actually form a solid bedrock and foundation for working towards happy, fulfilling, and meaningful lives. In recognizing and accepting our own limitations, only then do we enable ourselves to look beyond our own beliefs. Only then do we open our minds to different ways of thinking. Only then are we truly willing to listen. Only then are we truly willing to try something different. Only then are we truly willing to change.

By Jonathan Fricke, MA[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

12-Steps Overview

Posted on February 2, 2022 by cmarnew

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Often times, people think of recovery synonymously with twelve-step programs. While there are a variety of different approaches to recovery, the twelve-step program has certainly held its place as a staple in addiction recovery. Given the popularity and notoriety of the twelve-step program, it seems appropriate to do a brief review of the program’s philosophy and current applications.

The twelve-step program is most commonly associated with Alcoholics Anonymous. However, other more targeted twelve-step programs have emerged over the years to include other drug addictions (i.e. Narcotics Anonymous, Cocaine Anonymous, Crystal Meth Anonymous, etc.) and behavioral addictions (Gamblers Anonymous, Food Addicts Anonymous, Co-Dependents Anonymous, etc.). Regardless of the substance or problem behavior in focus, all twelve-step programs rely on adaptations to the original twelve steps developed for Alcoholics Anonymous, which was the first twelve-step program. Those twelve steps may be boiled down to the following ideas:

An honest admission of powerlessness over the substance or problem behavior
A belief that a higher power can assist in recovery
A recognition that you must include others in your recovery
An inventory of current problems and how substance use or the problem behavior affected them
An admission of wrongdoings to their higher power and another person
An acceptance of flaws in personal character
The humility to ask a higher power to assist in recovery
Constructing a list of those you have harmed through your substance use or problem behavior
Making amends to those you have harmed
Continually taking an inventory of current problems and wrongdoings, and being willing to admit when wrong
Fostering a sense of awareness through connection and engagement with your higher power
Engage in service activities to assist others in recovery and daily life

The twelve steps listed above may be broken down into three domains: physical, mental, and spiritual. These three dimensions were intentionally developed and included in the twelve-steps to be a reflection of the physical, mental, and spiritual aspects of the human experience. The philosophy underwriting this design is that the problems that arise in addiction present themselves in physical, mental, and spiritual domains. Thus, the path to recovery must include these same elements.
Twelve-step programs continue to be popular due to the success that many individuals have experienced in their recovery journeys. Additionally, many individuals enjoy the sense of community at meetings, the availability of a concrete plan towards recovery, and the accessibility (twelve-step groups operate all over the world free of charge), among other reasons. Further, many of these meetings are now offered virtually over Zoom. If you are even the slightest bit curious about a twelve-step program, I would encourage you to attend an open meeting. You never know what the tide will bring.

By Jonathan Fricke, MA[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

The Misplaced Solution

Posted on January 24, 2022 by cmarnew

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Think about a moment in your life that you wanted to bask in. You found a sense of peace, joy, or harmony that you wanted to fully take in and appreciate. Perhaps it was catching up and laughing with an old friend, perhaps it was feeling the warm sun shining down on your skin as you sat on a tropical beach, or perhaps it was the excitement you felt in your team winning the big game. When we encounter these moments, there is a natural tendency to want them to last. We want to appreciate what is happening for us here and now, while also doing what we can to hold onto these wonderful feelings. However, what happens when unpleasant feelings arise?

When feelings of anxiety, sadness, loneliness, and stress show up, we have a natural tendency in the opposite direction. We want to make them go away as they may feel unpredictable, uncontrollable, and unbearable. We want more of the “good” feelings and less of the “bad” ones. Makes sense, right? I mean, who in their right mind wants to feel anxious?

While there are a variety of things we can do to avoid these unpleasant feelings, a particularly common one resides in alcohol and drug use. The use of alcohol and other drugs triggers chemical reactions in our brains that numb unpleasant feelings and boost the pleasurable ones, thus, producing a sense of relief. However, this sense of relief is only temporary. Like all things, it does not last.

The substance wears off, the chemical reaction subsides, and those unpleasant feelings reappear. Well, what happens when these feelings come back? When that sense of helplessness or powerlessness sets in again? You might think about how drinking alcohol or using drugs had previously made those feelings go away and think, ‘Hey, that worked last time! Why not do it again?’ This makes sense. Humans are excellent learners. When we encounter challenges, we look for solutions. In this case, alcohol and drug use seems like an effective solution to this discomfort. When we regularly rely on use to navigate these feelings, we cross into addiction.

With time and repeated use, our brain chemistry changes such that our drug of choice may feel like the only escape from unpleasant feelings. However, as I had mentioned before, the unpleasant feelings will always return. They are unavoidable. However, as we continue using to avoid said feelings, we wander further away from our ambitions, integrity, and sense of purpose. As we do this, the feelings of anxiety, sadness, loneliness, and stress grow. What initially seemed like a sound solution, turns out to have been a misplaced solution.
By Jonathan Fricke, MA[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

What to Expect During the Detox Process

Posted on January 24, 2022 by cmarnew

Opioids flood your body with toxins that produce a euphoric feeling that can create a powerful addiction with just a few uses. Those who are suffering from addiction can benefit from a detox process to cleanse their bodies of toxins and begin working on their addiction recovery. An ambulatory detox process can help patients who do not need an inpatient program to help with their withdrawal symptoms.

At Colorado Medication Assisted Recovery, we offer a discreet ambulatory detox process for patients who have a sober home environment and no prior detox attempts. We understand the hardship of going through the detox process and that not everyone can take the time away from work or need the structure of an inpatient detox program. If you or someone you love needs help with drug or alcohol addiction withdrawals, call 833.448.0127 today to speak with our caring staff about our detox process.

What Is Ambulatory Detox?

An ambulatory detox program is an outpatient drug detox program designed for patients who are going through detoxing for the first time and have no underlying mental health issues. FDA-approved medications can help relieve withdrawal symptoms, and medical professionals will monitor your recovery. The medication can reduce withdrawal symptoms and curb your cravings, allowing you to focus on your recovery and keep up with your responsibilities.

To qualify for the ambulatory detox process, you must meet the following criteria:

A safe and sober living arrangement
Access to transportation
A commitment to treatment
Enrollment in an intensive outpatient program (IOP)

To determine if you are eligible for ambulatory detox, medical professionals and therapists will evaluate your current condition and level of addiction. From there, they will recommend the appropriate level of addiction treatment that will benefit you the most. At Colorado Medication Assisted Recovery, we can assist you with the detox process for all types of drug and alcohol addiction.

The Detox Process

Detoxing can be a painful or uncomfortable process depending on the substance you are abusing. Illicit drugs like heroin and other opioids can create a powerful addiction just after a few uses, while other drugs and alcohol may take time to build up an addiction. The average time it takes to detox can take anywhere from two to three weeks to several months. It depends on the substance of abuse, the severity of addiction, and how long the patient has struggled with addiction.

The first 24-48 hours is when most withdrawal symptoms will begin. Patients can expect to feel:

Intense cravings
Sweating
Shivering
Headaches
Insomnia

Most drug and alcohol addiction withdrawal symptoms will peak around 72 hours. Patients can expect to feel worsening withdrawal symptoms, including fever, seizures, and hallucinations may occur. Medical professionals will monitor your progress and administer medications to reduce your withdrawal symptoms and cravings.

After five to seven days, most withdrawal symptoms will begin to taper off. Some more severe cases of addiction will have withdrawal symptoms that can last for several months. As your withdrawal symptoms reduce, so will your medication. The goal of medication-assisted treatment is not to replace one drug with another but to have you completely drug-free by the end of your addiction treatment program.

Choose Colorado Medication Assisted Recovery to Assist You with Your Detox Process

Colorado Medication Assisted Recovery offers medication-assisted treatment for drug and alcohol addiction in Thornton, CO. Our drug and alcohol detox process will help you through your withdrawal symptoms through our ambulatory detox process. Our ambulatory detox program can help with all forms of drug addiction withdrawals.

If you or a loved one are struggling with drug or alcohol addiction, call 833.448.0127 today to learn more about our detox process.