12-step addiction recovery Archives - Colorado Medication Assisted Recovery

Step 4 in the 12-Step Process

Posted on March 23, 2022 by cmarnew

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]“Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”

In the first three steps of the twelve-step program, we are asked to recognize that our lives have become unmanageable, to identify and believe in a Power greater than ourselves, and to decide to turn our will over to this higher Power. In step four, however, we begin to engage in deep, intentional self-reflection. In essence, we ask, ‘Who am I?’

At first glance, this question is seemingly simple. We might answer with such things as where we live, what our name is, how old we are, our ethnicity, heritage, race, religion, and hobbies, among others. While these pieces of our identity are an important part of us, it is not exactly what step four is asking of us. Step four focuses on taking a moral inventory.
In a moral inventory, we reflect on our lives, assessing for and recording our perceived character deficits, strengths, and weaknesses. Topics that typically arise in moral inventories include resentments, anger, fears, pride, self-will, self-pity, guilt, shame, relationships, and sex. The purpose of this exercise is to gain more clarity and awareness on who we are, such that we can develop an awareness of how our understanding of ourselves both contributes to our problematic substance use and may aid us in the recovery process.

In taking a moral inventory, we will surely encounter negative thought patterns, destructive self-talk, overwhelming emotions, and value incongruent behaviors that have fueled the continuance of our addictions. In so long as we keep our shame, regrets, anger, and resentments secret, our problematic substance use will persist in efforts to cope with these unpleasant feelings. As uncomfortable and painful as it may be to connect with these feelings, studies have shown, time and time again, that reflecting upon and sharing these feelings with a trusted individual (i.e. sponsor, therapist, partner, friend) can be incredibly healing. Positive effects on an individual’s mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health, are ultimately to be expected. The moral inventory is an essential component of recovery.

In step four, we gain a better understanding of who we are, how our affective experiences and behavioral patterns contribute to our addiction, and how our strengths may aid us in recovery.

We begin to take accountability for our problematic use as we redirect our blame for others towards curiosity about ourselves.

By Jonathan Fricke, MA[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Step 5 in the 12-Step Process

Posted on March 23, 2022 by cmarnew

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]“Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”

I want you to think of a time that you kept something secret. Maybe it was a bigger secret, such as an affair or a time that you hurt someone, or maybe it was a smaller secret, such as a time that you were embarrassed. Whatever the case is, I want you to remember that secret. I want you to think about what drove you to keep this thing under wraps. I want you to reflect on how doing so impacted you. Really, take a moment to reflect before reading on.

Often times, we keep secrets in efforts to protect our egos. We think that if others were to know what it is we have done, they would see us as the person that we so desperately fear becoming. For example, if a partner were to find out about an affair, we fear they will see us as untrustworthy. If a friend were to find out about how we spoke ill of them behind their back, we fear they will see us as a bad person. Or, if a parent were to find out about our struggles with substance use, we fear they will see us as flawed. Therefore, we may elect to keep actions, feelings, and thoughts to ourselves in hopes that others will not see us in the same negative light we fear seeing ourselves in.

Makes sense, right? I mean, if we can hold onto our secrets, thus preventing others from knowing us fully, what is the problem?

Well, unfortunately secrets come with a toll. A toll that tethers irritability, anxiety, remorse, and depression, among others, to our lives. When we hide our wrongdoings from the world, we decide that we will carry the burden alone. We keep others away and place ourselves on an island where no one can get to us; we isolate. When we isolate, we do not even give others the chance to respond to our secrets. We cut off any possibility for compassion or love before we even have the opportunity to receive it. We cement in ourselves the very wretched feelings that we had hoped to avoid. For the addict, the toll means continued substance use or relapse.

Fortunately, there is another path to take. This is the path of connection, admission, and confession to another. Instead of putting ourselves on the island of isolation, we draw upon our moral inventory to share our secrets and wrongdoings with a trusted individual, whether that be a sponsor, friend, or therapist. In doing so, we share ourselves. We allow ourselves to be seen and understood. We open up the doors for compassion and love to enter. Often, we then begin to experience ourselves differently. Not as flawed creatures, but as a human beings.

Although this path is not a cakewalk, it is essential. It is perhaps the most important part of recovery.

By Jonathan Fricke, MA[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Step 3 in the 12-Step Process

Posted on February 14, 2022 by cmarnew

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.”

In the first two steps of the twelve-step program, we are asked to reflect on our own lives. In step one, we are asked to reflect on our powerlessness and the unmanageability in our lives. In step two, we are asked to reflect on what our higher power looks like; what we believe in. In step three, however, we shift from a stance of reflection to a stance of action. Step three is all about pushing away from our self-will and welcoming in a sense of willingness.

So, what does self-will and willingness mean? Self-will is all about stubbornness. It is about doing what an individual wants without regard for the wishes of others. It is a belief that you are right and will argue with anyone who disagrees. It is about a desire for independence, control, and is typically rooted in egotism. On the other hand, willingness is all about readiness and flexibility. It is rooted in trust outside the self.

Before continuing, I feel it is important to address the religious influence in step three with the use of the word “God.” As I had previously mentioned in my discussion of step two, twelve-step programs are not inherently religious and there is no requirement that the individual practice religion or believe in God. Rather, the important piece of step three is the last part, “…as we understood Him.” This piece reminds us that it is not about God, but about whatever the individual has identified as their higher power. Perhaps that higher power resides in nature, science, or the twelve-step program itself. In this step, the individual is asked to loosen their grip on the desire to control their lives and instead places faith, trust, and hope in their higher power. It is about aligning the will of the individual with their higher power. In this step the individual begins to experience serenity.

Step three also introduces a component of the twelve-step program that countless individuals have found monumental to their recovery: the Serenity Prayer.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Thy will, not mine, be done.

The Serenity Prayer introduces a key concept that extends far beyond recovery and has useful applications across life. In it, we examine and recognize the limits of our control. The prayer highlights the notion that there are some things we can control and some things we cannot. For example, we cannot control the behaviors of others but do have control over how we react to any given situation. When we attempt to control something that is uncontrollable, we are often left feeling angry or dejected when things don’t go our way. The Serenity Prayer encourages us to ask ourselves, ‘Is this situation something worth getting upset over or is it out of my control?’

By Jonathan Fricke, MA[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Step 1 in the 12-Step Process

Posted on February 7, 2022 by cmarnew

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STEP ONE
“We admitted we were powerless over our addiction – that our lives had become unmanageable.”

What does the word ‘powerless’ mean to you? What images or feelings does it conjure up? In my experience, it often brings about associations of weakness, inadequacy, and incapability. For those of us familiar with Greek mythology, perhaps you think of Sisyphus’ powerlessness in his eternal struggle of pushing the boulder up the hill, only for it to roll down every time that he approached the top of the hill. He was a prisoner to this task and, as such, the ensuing feelings of weakness, inadequacy, and incapability that came with it. That is exactly why Zeus punished Sisyphus with this hopeless task. Well, what if Sisyphus had realized and accepted his own powerlessness in this task? What if he accepted the hopelessness in getting the boulder to the top of the hill? How might that have changed things for him?

In step one of the twelve-step program, we are asked to admit a powerlessness over our substance or behavior, recognizing that our lives are currently ungovernable. Given the aforementioned associations to ‘powerlessness’, it is entirely understandable to respond to this step with resistance. Perhaps we think we can simply work harder to control our use. Or perhaps we deny the extent to which the substance or behavior influences our lives. (How many times have you said or heard the phrase: “I could stop my use if I really wanted to”?)

When we feel powerless, there is a natural and instinctual drive to tighten our grip, clamp down, and attempt to secure power and control. However, step one contends that, paradoxically, there is a certain power in admitting our powerlessness; that we are granted a hope in admitting our hopelessness. In recognizing our inability to control our use, we actually form a solid bedrock and foundation for working towards happy, fulfilling, and meaningful lives. In recognizing and accepting our own limitations, only then do we enable ourselves to look beyond our own beliefs. Only then do we open our minds to different ways of thinking. Only then are we truly willing to listen. Only then are we truly willing to try something different. Only then are we truly willing to change.

By Jonathan Fricke, MA[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

12-Steps Overview

Posted on February 2, 2022 by cmarnew

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Often times, people think of recovery synonymously with twelve-step programs. While there are a variety of different approaches to recovery, the twelve-step program has certainly held its place as a staple in addiction recovery. Given the popularity and notoriety of the twelve-step program, it seems appropriate to do a brief review of the program’s philosophy and current applications.

The twelve-step program is most commonly associated with Alcoholics Anonymous. However, other more targeted twelve-step programs have emerged over the years to include other drug addictions (i.e. Narcotics Anonymous, Cocaine Anonymous, Crystal Meth Anonymous, etc.) and behavioral addictions (Gamblers Anonymous, Food Addicts Anonymous, Co-Dependents Anonymous, etc.). Regardless of the substance or problem behavior in focus, all twelve-step programs rely on adaptations to the original twelve steps developed for Alcoholics Anonymous, which was the first twelve-step program. Those twelve steps may be boiled down to the following ideas:

An honest admission of powerlessness over the substance or problem behavior
A belief that a higher power can assist in recovery
A recognition that you must include others in your recovery
An inventory of current problems and how substance use or the problem behavior affected them
An admission of wrongdoings to their higher power and another person
An acceptance of flaws in personal character
The humility to ask a higher power to assist in recovery
Constructing a list of those you have harmed through your substance use or problem behavior
Making amends to those you have harmed
Continually taking an inventory of current problems and wrongdoings, and being willing to admit when wrong
Fostering a sense of awareness through connection and engagement with your higher power
Engage in service activities to assist others in recovery and daily life

The twelve steps listed above may be broken down into three domains: physical, mental, and spiritual. These three dimensions were intentionally developed and included in the twelve-steps to be a reflection of the physical, mental, and spiritual aspects of the human experience. The philosophy underwriting this design is that the problems that arise in addiction present themselves in physical, mental, and spiritual domains. Thus, the path to recovery must include these same elements.
Twelve-step programs continue to be popular due to the success that many individuals have experienced in their recovery journeys. Additionally, many individuals enjoy the sense of community at meetings, the availability of a concrete plan towards recovery, and the accessibility (twelve-step groups operate all over the world free of charge), among other reasons. Further, many of these meetings are now offered virtually over Zoom. If you are even the slightest bit curious about a twelve-step program, I would encourage you to attend an open meeting. You never know what the tide will bring.

By Jonathan Fricke, MA[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]