12 step process Archives - Colorado Medication Assisted Recovery

Step 12 in the 12-Step Process

Posted on May 2, 2022 by cmarnew

STEP TWELVE

“Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs.”

Who do you think benefits more from an act of kindness, the giver or the recipient? Most people presume that the recipient receives greater benefit. This makes sense because they have been helped with some problem or their lives have been made easier in some way. Thus, they are likely left with a feeling of gratitude. The recipient must receive more benefit, right? Interestingly, this is not the case.

Studies have shown that, in fact, the giver of kindness receives greater benefit from the act. People have reported increased feelings of confidence, a greater sense of control, boosted self-esteem, decreased stress, and higher levels of overall happiness after performing acts of kindness and service towards others. Further, other studies have shown that kindness facilitates connection with others and reduced anxiety. Aside from inherent moral reasons to be kind, turns out there are a lot of other benefits!

In step twelve, we are essentially asked to carry forward in our recovery with kindness and acts of service. It is this step that is crucial to maintaining our recovery. As the adage in twelve-step programs goes, “to keep it you have to give it away.” In other words, to continue nurturing our sobriety and spirituality, we must assist others in doing the same. This is the premise behind becoming a “sponsor” of someone earlier on in their recovery journey.

In the same twelve-step meeting, you will find people at all different stages in their recovery. Perhaps one person has been sober a few days, another has been sober a few months, another has been sober a few years, and another has been sober a few decades. Some may wonder why people with years or decades of sobriety under their belts continue coming to meetings? Well, it typically has to do with step twelve.

One of the ways in which we can support others who are struggling is to attend meetings. At these meetings, if we show up as engaged, present, and kind, we can have a tremendously positive effect on others’ and ourselves. We may build a community, gain a sense of personal purpose, lead and inspire others in their recovery, feel motivated in our own recovery journey, and become a role-model for someone else in recovery.

I feel it is important to mention that acts of kindness should also extend beyond twelve-step circles. These acts of kindness can be big or small. It does not matter. The important piece is that you are working to make the world a better place. Whenever you have the opportunity, seize it. You could hold the door open for a stranger, pick up a stray piece of litter, give a friend a ride, or begin volunteering with an organization you care about. Once you begin doing it, you will feel the positive effects and seek out other service opportunities. This will help you immensely on your recovery journey. I guarantee it.

By Jonathan Fricke, MA

Step 11 in the 12-Step Process

Posted on April 29, 2022 by cmarnew

THE TWELVE-STEP PROGRAM: STEP ELEVEN

STEP ELEVEN

“Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.”

In working with people that are not in twelve-step recovery programs, I often hear them say something to this effect: ‘twelve-step programs are not for me…I am not a religious person and there is too much emphasis on God and religion in twelve-step meetings.’ I completely understand where they are coming from.

In six of the twelve steps, there is some explicit reference to God or a higher Power. Also, many people in twelve-step programs rely on God and their religious beliefs in their personal recovery processes. I have written this in previous blog posts but feel it is important to readdress. Twelve-step programs are not inherently religious. Rather, twelve-step programs base recovery upon a foundation of spirituality.

You might wonder, ‘What’s the difference between spirituality and religion? Aren’t those two the same?’ Well, you’re not alone. These terms are often conflated with one another. While religion or a belief in God is spiritual, spirituality does not equate to a belief in God or other religious beliefs. Religion is comprised of organized beliefs and practices, whereas spirituality is unique to the individual. No one can dictate your spirituality to you. Spirituality is simply a belief or feeling that there is something greater than our individual selves. Spirituality is about personal meaning.

When we engage with our spirituality, it could mean doing some meditation, praying to our higher Power for guidance, journaling about our experiences, or going for a peaceful walk through nature, among others. There is no “right” or “wrong” way to engage with your spirituality. Like spirituality itself, it will vary from one person to the next. The important piece is that our spiritual practices encourage mindfulness and self-reflection. We pause to recognize where we are and how we are feeling. What is working for me? What is working against me? What fears do I hold? What am I excited about? It is about self-reflection.

When we are mindful, we come into closer contact with ourselves. We become intimately acquainted with our feelings, such that we may begin to understand them. Doing so enables us to let go of some of our existing beliefs that may be interfering with living a fulfilling life. It is our spirituality that we trust to guide us forward. Step eleven encourages us to integrate spiritual practices into our daily lives.

By Jonathan Fricke, MA

Step 10 in the 12-Step Process

Posted on April 26, 2022 by cmarnew

STEP TEN

“Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.”

We have all been, at one point or another, in a situation in which we said something insensitive or insulting to someone else. Regardless of whether we had ill intentions or not, we immediately realize what we did. Internally, we recognize that our words were damaging. At this point, we reach a fork in the road. There are two paths that people tend to go down.

The first path is that of doubling-down. In efforts to protect our egos, we may try to see how our insensitive words were justified. In other words, we would rather hurt someone else than admit to ourselves that we can make errors and mistakes; that we are imperfect. We connect with our creative side to find any possible reasoning whatsoever that we were right to say what we did.

The second path is that of accountability. On this path, we recognize that we said something hurtful and, albeit difficult, own up to our behavior. We immediately apologize to the other for our insensitive words, acknowledging our transgression. In doing so, we accept that we are imperfect, for we are human beings capable of mistakes like anyone else. This is the path we continually choose to take in step ten.

It is important to note that, just as in step nine, we are owning up to our wrongs not solely for the other person, but for ourselves. When we are aware of the wrongs we have committed but do nothing to rectify them, we place a burden on our conscious. This burden festers and grows into resentments and anger, whether directed at ourselves or others. In recovery, it is not difficult to imagine how this slippery slope leads to relapse.

It is important to accept that some people may not forgive us or remain angry by our actions. While difficult to sit with, that’s okay. Even if the other person continues holding onto their anger, that is not your problem. You did your part to make things right.

Sometimes, you will not recognize a transgression in the moment. Perhaps you start thinking about it later that day, the next morning, or later that week. Regardless of when it happened, the important part in step ten is to reach out to the other person involved and apologize for your actions as soon as you come to realize how what you did may have hurt them. It is difficult to admit when we’re wrong. Our ego works hard to maintain a narrative that we’re self-righteous and perfect. However, we’re not. Nobody is. Although difficult to admit when we’re wrong, we find in step ten that this type of admission helps maintain mental clarity and is essential to our continued recovery.

By Jonathan Fricke, MA

The Twelve-Step Program: Step Six

Posted on April 12, 2022 by cmarnew

STEP SIX

“We are entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.”

Now that we have taken a personal moral inventory in step four and admitted our flaws to a trusted individual in step five, we are now ready for step six. In step six of the twelve-step program, we look at our defects of character, cultivate an acceptance of these defects, and then develop a willingness to let them go. These defects of character may be some of the ways be behave or cope that have contributed to our problems.

If you are reading this and think to yourself, ‘How on earth do I develop a willingness to let these defects go?’ You are not alone. It is certainly easier said than done.

One thing that gets in the way of developing a true willingness to let defects of character go is that human beings are creatures of habit. We find a behavior or coping strategy that seems to work and may continue to rely on that behavior or coping strategy for a long time, even when that behavior or coping strategy does not align with our personal values.

For example, we may value interpersonal connection and close relationships, yet we get angry when we start to feel rejected. Our anger thus pushes others away from us, which is directly at odds with our value of interpersonal connection and close relationships. However, we may continue to get angry because that is how we have historically coped with rejection. Something about this anger probably feels comfortable. It is an automatic response as this pattern has likely been a part of us for a long time. With individuals struggling with addiction, this pattern could be fertile ground for relapse.

In step six, we focus intently on the behaviors or coping strategies, in this case anger, that contribute to an individual’s struggles. Below, I have included a step-by-step guide on how to work through personal challenges. Write down the answer to each question and repeat the steps as necessary for each challenge that comes to mind.

What is a struggle you face?
How does that struggle influence your behavior?
How does this struggle impact others?
How does this struggle impact you?
What feelings come up in thinking about this struggle?
What do you do to deal with these feelings?
What do you imagine your life would look like if you didn’t deal with the feelings this way?
What productive alternatives could you employ instead?

By reflecting upon and recognizing the ways in which our struggles, feelings, and actions interact, we are better able to do something different. We build a deeper relationship with ourselves, develop a motivation to change, and a willingness to try something new. It may be scary to break a longstanding pattern, but it opens up the possibility of meaningful, positive change.

By Jonathan Fricke, MA